Jumping off a Bridge to Please My Husband

Okay, believe it or not, I probably hate chain emails more than anybody I know. Except my husband, who is just plain more of a hater than I am. But anyway, this naturally means that I have several friends who love chain emails and are constantly forwarding them to me.

Now, I actually get a kick out of the ones that spread rumors, request cards for kids who have been dying for ten years, things like that. They give me the opportunity to run to snopes and check it out. It's a fun way to take a break from your day.

But today I got one that really made me wonder: do people actually read these things before sending them?

This was entitled "we is friends" [sic], and had some sort of pseudo-lolcat picture in it. It claimed that you needed to forward it to (excuse me...copypasta) "everyone you don't want to lose in '08 including me if you care". Which all by itself sounds like more of a threat than a promise.

Yeah, I think a chain email should be the way through which my friends determine that I care about them. Makes perfect sense, yes? Chain emails say so much that you just can't say in any other way.

Or maybe "wouldn't say." For example, under the fakelolcat, there was a particularly saccharine little set of phrases (eg. "You smile, I smile" etc.) ending with "You jump off a bridge, I gonna miss your emails" [sic]. It concludes by assuring me that "tomorrow's not promised."

So...let me get this straight. A friend has just sent me this email that tells me that if I don't return it (in addition to forwarding it), not only does it mean that I don't care about her, but I might lose her during '08 because she's likely to jump off a bridge? Plus, by not sending the email I would be losing the opportunity to allow several other friends to likewise save me from the same suicidal tendencies I didn't know I have?

Wow. Heavy burden.

Um. I mentioned before that my husband hates chain email more than I do, right? (Excuse me...checking...ok, yes I did.)

Obviously, I sent it to him. Because...you know...uh...not because I like causing trouble. Totally because I don't want to lose him! Seriously! And then, much to my surprise and dismay, he sent me a text cursing me in the most horrible way possible and informing me that I'd better find another person to go onto my "forwarding chain email" lists or else.

He didn't return the email though.

I'm sure he will.

Sure of it.

Because he loves me.

He doesn't want to lose me in '08, I'm sure.

Did I mention that the George Washington Bridge is just north of here?